Something my sobriety (AA) has taught me is that everything is connected and related somehow. Who knows how this email will find you. I just feel compelled to share this with you.
Today started out uncomfortable and headed downhill. I’m experiencing a lot of changes right now– moving, grad school, new job. More about myself is being revealed to me in light of these changes. I’m feeling insecure, unimportant, unsure. I’m changing faster than my mind can adjust to. All this discomfort came to a head this evening when, having left my friend in downtown Manhattan to catch a train (to get back to my car), I realized I had left my keys in her purse. I felt stupid and guilty for forgetting my keys and making my friend waste time to bring them back to me, as she was already home in Brooklyn when she got my desperate message.
Back at Astor– where we had originally parted ways after passing by you– I waited for her, and I watched you sing and saw that a drummer had joined you. That made me happy. A crowd surrounded you and people cheered. I felt better already. What struck me was how genuine and simple your performances were. In the best way. Here you were, this strangely dressed stranger, reaching out to other people through expression.
After getting my keys back, I dragged my friend over to you. I danced with you and we sang about the bird. At that point I thought, This guy is having a blast and I’m fucking miserable, I want to be a part of his energy. And I smiled and laughed and as my friend and I walked toward the train you said something like, “And remember, your life is the most important life…” And I told you that you made my day (which, ironically enough, your contact page says you enjoy to hear).
This might sound really absurd and, who knows, maybe it’ll offend you. But I swear I saw God in your eyes when you looked at me and said those words and then gave me the thumbs up. Your words stuck in my head the whole trip home, and fought against the negative phrases that were– and often are— beating around. I am important, and I have life .
Maybe I left my keys in my friend’s purse specifically so I could go back to Astor, find you still there, and share that moment with you. Maybe you needed to hear that you made my day.
Thank you, hope to see you again,
This email finds me in moods of happiness, joy and silliness. Everything is connected and related somehow. This is the way I see our brain and heart, doesn’t stop in our heads and body. It reaches into the vast universe. The universe is a big brain or heart too. Everything is connected, this just seems like common sense to me.
I was had a blast doing the bird ;-), when people interact, smile or laugh. I know I’m doing my job well in this universe. I’ve chosen to be an idiot clown for this reason. I’ve been doing it on and off 7 years. We are all important and we all have this power to inject joy into the universe. I mean people have unconsciously made the unhappy vortex. well now we have to make the conscious happy vortex. I’ve gone through many mental breakdowns in my life to finally come to this conclusion. I have to simplify my life or I’m not going to want to live it. Every human being has a very basic need of giving and receiving love. A lot of people aren’t doing it. You are important, People need your love, people need my love. By writing this email to me, this is the greatest gift. and yes I’m only human, I need the love just as much as I’m giving it. Thank you, I do need to hear that I made your day. I do believe in god, I believe it is in the entire universe, I believe you did see gods eyes. and your reminding me that everytime I look at someones happy face, I see gods eyes too.
Lots of love and future success,
On Thu, Aug 23, 2012 at 10:39 PM, Matthew Silver <> wrote:
Can I post your letter and picture on my blog? If not that’s ok. And I understand, so don’t worry.
I’m an artist and I try to document all the bad and good stuff that happens to me. Most of the time I make people laugh, but every once in awhile I get a hater. That’s life. and thats why its so important to emphasize the good (or be humble), even if you don’t always feel it 🙂 It always comes back. That smile
On Thu, Aug 23, 2012 at 11:20 PM, (anonymous) (Sid) wrote:
I would be honored if you shared this on your blog! Have a good night 😀
On Aug 23, 2012, at 11:25 PM, (anonymous) wrote:
Also, I agree about the need to create the happiness vortex consciously… I have become a product of my time in terms of buying into the unconsciously-created unhappiness vortex. It’s a sad thing, and something I strive to break out of. I’d like to help others do the same!
On Thu, Aug 23, 2012 at 11:57 PM, Matthew Silver wrote:
I know, it’s so easy for people to get stuck in a miserable state of mind. We are wired to connect, the more connected we feel to people that wish to share the same positive energy, the more we can feel this energy, it sounds easy. It’s a lot of work, but I don’t want to give up. By helping others, we help ourself. But we also have to find people that are open to it too. Or observe when they are open to something positive. One day it will all heal itself. That’s what I believe, I’m on that team.